I woke up yesterday and just felt off! I never really found the right words to describe the feeling to anyone, but some of the attempted descriptions included, "gross," "in a funk," "off balance," and "living in the twilight zone."
I think my body was angry yesterday when it woke up after a horrible night's sleep, although I managed to sleep through the rare Illinois earthquake. The previous night had included bad for you dinner choices and 3 glasses of cheap red wine while dining at Ziadi with a friend. My body was fed up with mistreatment, after my birthday, the Super Bowl and the Ziadi trip I had consumed too many non-nutritious calories and way to much alcohol. Not to mention finding convenient reasons to not make it to the gym. Hence, the "gross" feeling.
I got to work and thought I would have an hour to re-group before my first client came in. I had big plans for that hour; eat lunch, journal and meditate. I wanted to get myself out of whatever mood it was that I was in, because I knew I would not be an effective therapist. Then an opportunity to an observe a client I was really wanting to interact with appeared and I could not turn it down. The session was great, but my countertransference was OUT OF CONTROL and afterward, I was faced with no time to process the whole thing before going into session with my own client who has been particularly difficult to work with recently. By the start of my third hour at work, I was sitting in my supervisor's office crying for reasons, I still could not find the words to explain.
My next client, also a difficult one canceled and I was finally allowed sometime to try to get my act together when 2 disturbing facebook status updates caught my attention, causing frantic text messages to GR and a google news search that yielded this result: 2 Priniciples Shot by Teacher in Knoxville!!! GR's mom works at that school. She is fine. But that's when the, "I'm living in the Twilight Zone" comments first slipped from my lips. It was a strange day.
My next 2 sessions were fine and I thought I was getting back into the swing of things, until my last client did not show up for session and my stomach started to hurt, prompting another skipped gym session. By the time I made it home, I was exhausted. I had to pack for the weekend at the Pilot's house, which just seemed to laborious at the time, I considered coming home after school today and then driving out to his place instead of heading straight there, just so I wouldn't have to pack anytime soon.
The Pilot was having a really good day and I felt horrible about having to tell him about mine. I would NOT have, if he hadn't asked directly, "How are you?" Even then I just explained it away as having a rough day and started crying because I still couldn't describe it.
I woke up this morning and packed for the weekend, because I NEED time with the Pilot tonight. However, I think today is a good day to take a personal day.