Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Me holding up my 5K medal from a race in Champaign-Urbana. I finished in 34:39.

Running the Race to Wrigley; captured via my Dad's cell phone! Finished in 36:12.

Before the Walk to Empower/United 5K Breast Cancer Mother's Day event. Finished that race in my fastest time yet, 31:51!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Crying confession

The other night, I was visiting the Pilot's 3 month old niece, who spent the whole time in my arms crying. I've decided she doesn't like me, but other possibilities could be that she doesn't see me enough or that I'm too loud when I'm around her. None of that is important, however, compared to how I felt while I was watching her cry and trying my damnedest to comfort her.

I was overwhelmed with a feeling of jealousy! I want to be able to just sit and cry for endless minutes until someone comes and solves my problem.

I've been fighting intense emotions all week. Several times those emotions would spill out of my eyes and I barely let them flow (never for longer than 3 minutes). I would stop myself from letting the crying get out of control. And while the Pilot was fantastic at comforting me, there is no way he can just swoop in and solve my problem.

As an adult, I have always felt that sobbing is an inappropriate response to problems. Crying will not solve your problems. Intellectual reasoning ability will. I will allow myself cry, but only briefly and never the way a baby does. But I really want to.

I just want to be a kid again; cry carelessly, feel the warmth of the tears on my cheeks, receiving comforting hugs and not allow the waterworks to stop until it's all better. Being an adult presents all new problems, but some of them require just as many tears as childhood difficulties did.

I was jealous. Jealous of a 3 month old. I could feel in my bones how badly I wanted to let it out the way she was. Unfortunately, I still haven't.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My cinco de Mayo- no alcohol included

Yesterday was the kind of day that unfolded perfectly. And that was exactly what I needed after an extremely eventful and emotionally charged weekend.
  • I woke up a little bit before my alarm and was able to roll over and cuddle with the Pilot for a couple special minutes.
  • When my alarm finally went off, I was able to get out of bed well rested and actually ready to start the day.
  • I was on time!!!
  • I walked into the morning sunshine and warmth, wearing flip flops, over sized sunglasses and clutching a large cup of coffee.
  • The girls I babysit for mistaking the Pink song that started playing on the radio for one performed by Hannah Montana or iCarly.
  • My therapist miraculously having an appointment available for a much needed, emergency visit.
  • The Pilot inviting me to spend the night with him.
  • The Pilot getting off of work early.
  • Taking advantage of the nice weather by grilling burgers and eating outside with the Pilot.
  • Biggest Loser Tuesday
  • Reading my unexpectedly enjoyable Chicken Soup for the Catholic Soul book.
  • Skipping my run, just cuz!