Wednesday, July 9, 2008

tick tock

What is that sound? It vibrates in my abdomen and tugs at my heart strings. Wait- it can't be my biological clock, can it?!

My life goals when it comes to children have varied from "I want 4" to "I'm not suited to be a mother." Currently I've landed somewhere in middle and say, "it's a decision about my future I haven't made yet." However, dating someone older who has blatantly stated, "I want children with every fiber of being" is not only a very attractive quality but it also brings the topic to the forefront of my brain.

I am obsessed with the NBC show "The Baby Borrowers." I was appalled at the idea originally but now I can't avert my eyes. Do I want to be a "young" (I still struggle with believing I'm a full blown adult at times) mom?

Recently I find myself pointing out all the cute babies in their awesome summer outfits to the Pilot as we walk past them on the way to dinner. I say "aww," smile wide, wave and laugh as the babies giggle and explore the world. I can feel my heart grow.

I babysit 3 days a week and the differences I see from week to week are constantly amazing me. Not only are the kids changing, but I am too. I find myself more patient, more creative, more concerned for safety and more able to communicate effectively (on the children's level) with each passing week.

I learned about this website today- totlol- and I think that I find it more entertaining than youtube.

As it stands right now, I still have no idea what my future holds. I suspect the decision will unfold naturally if I find the person I want to share my life and procreate with.

I have made one serious decision in this department though; no children will be born into my family until I finish school ;-)

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