Remember the stress that occurred six weeks prior to my birthday? The first two weeks of January I was writing a paper (a comprehensive exam to be more exact) that would make or break my academic career- pass the exam and graduate or fail and have to take it again in May. Failing the exam was an unbearable, crippling thought- what if, then in May, I did not pass? Then I really wouldn't graduate "on time" (because the next, and last opportunity, to take the exam would be in January, long after my set graduation date of November).
Well, proving the theory that "what we focus on grows," I did not pass my January exam. The test was broken up into three parts and I only passed one. This meant I would have to retake the remaining two sections in May. Devastation set in. Regrets came pouring out in the form of tears. The Pilot silently and patiently drove the car home, so I could quiver in disappointment and wallow in self pity for the remainder of the day. I did just that, crawling into bed shortly after I received the news and slept.
The next morning I woke up, still reeling, but forced to move on, duty calls. I went for a run. A horribly slow, incredibly painful 3 mile run. I pushed through the physical pain, crying for most of the run, from the combination of physical discomfort and emotional disappointment.
However, I finished the run, without stopping or taking walking breaks. And a powerful thought came over me upon completion of the run; "The run was difficult, but I finished! And I am a better, stronger, and healthier person for having done it."
The same can be said for my academic career- it has been a difficult, challenging road (with MANY unexpected twist and turns) to obtain my Masters degree, but overcoming those obstacles will make me a better, strong, healthier person and certainly a better therapist. Armed with this metaphor I made an action plan and moved on towards May..
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sneak Peek
I've been composing blogs in my head for months. I just never seem to have the time or drive to actually type and publish them. Here is a short list of what will (hopefully) being appearing on Mastering Mind Body & Spirit soon.
- Running as a metaphor for my academic career
- "The 4 of us" (my thoughts on female friendships in groups of 4)
- My temporary vacation from eating red meat
- My psychoanalytic reading list
- Jojo and the Pilot make plans for the future
- Will I have a career or am I doomed to forever be a student?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Interviewee becomes interviewer
Exactly one year (to the day), after my interview at work, I was handed a stack of new intern applications to familarize myself with because 2nd round interviews will be conducted by me!
It is bittersweet. And throws into harsh reality for me what the next couple of months will be bringing my way. I have to complete practicum, apply for and take the liscensing exam and find a job. Hopefully, all this can be accomplished by September 1 (at the latest)!
I am sad to leave practicum because I have wonderful supervision, guidance, and support there. But, I am excited to actually get paid for all this hard and mentally exhausting work I am doing. No more babysitting. Stable salary. Set schedule. Basically, I want to start my adult life.
I cannot think of a better way to become an adult, then conduct interviews for your replacement. What questions should I ask?
It is bittersweet. And throws into harsh reality for me what the next couple of months will be bringing my way. I have to complete practicum, apply for and take the liscensing exam and find a job. Hopefully, all this can be accomplished by September 1 (at the latest)!
I am sad to leave practicum because I have wonderful supervision, guidance, and support there. But, I am excited to actually get paid for all this hard and mentally exhausting work I am doing. No more babysitting. Stable salary. Set schedule. Basically, I want to start my adult life.
I cannot think of a better way to become an adult, then conduct interviews for your replacement. What questions should I ask?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Amazing Grace
Gone...but not forgotten. My grandfather passed away 1 year ago today. Today, I do not want to recount the joys of his life or the pain of his loss, I just want to find strength in the song played at his funeral, Amazing Grace.
Amazing Grace Lyrics
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentines Day Recap
My dozen lavender roses from Robbins Flowers!!
The pilot baked and decorated a Valentines cake. It tasted delicious! How sweet and cheesy is he?!
My new dress and necklace paid for by Christmas and birthday gift cards to Target.
My big smile at the end of the night!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Funk-y
I woke up yesterday and just felt off! I never really found the right words to describe the feeling to anyone, but some of the attempted descriptions included, "gross," "in a funk," "off balance," and "living in the twilight zone."
I think my body was angry yesterday when it woke up after a horrible night's sleep, although I managed to sleep through the rare Illinois earthquake. The previous night had included bad for you dinner choices and 3 glasses of cheap red wine while dining at Ziadi with a friend. My body was fed up with mistreatment, after my birthday, the Super Bowl and the Ziadi trip I had consumed too many non-nutritious calories and way to much alcohol. Not to mention finding convenient reasons to not make it to the gym. Hence, the "gross" feeling.
I got to work and thought I would have an hour to re-group before my first client came in. I had big plans for that hour; eat lunch, journal and meditate. I wanted to get myself out of whatever mood it was that I was in, because I knew I would not be an effective therapist. Then an opportunity to an observe a client I was really wanting to interact with appeared and I could not turn it down. The session was great, but my countertransference was OUT OF CONTROL and afterward, I was faced with no time to process the whole thing before going into session with my own client who has been particularly difficult to work with recently. By the start of my third hour at work, I was sitting in my supervisor's office crying for reasons, I still could not find the words to explain.
My next client, also a difficult one canceled and I was finally allowed sometime to try to get my act together when 2 disturbing facebook status updates caught my attention, causing frantic text messages to GR and a google news search that yielded this result: 2 Priniciples Shot by Teacher in Knoxville!!! GR's mom works at that school. She is fine. But that's when the, "I'm living in the Twilight Zone" comments first slipped from my lips. It was a strange day.
My next 2 sessions were fine and I thought I was getting back into the swing of things, until my last client did not show up for session and my stomach started to hurt, prompting another skipped gym session. By the time I made it home, I was exhausted. I had to pack for the weekend at the Pilot's house, which just seemed to laborious at the time, I considered coming home after school today and then driving out to his place instead of heading straight there, just so I wouldn't have to pack anytime soon.
The Pilot was having a really good day and I felt horrible about having to tell him about mine. I would NOT have, if he hadn't asked directly, "How are you?" Even then I just explained it away as having a rough day and started crying because I still couldn't describe it.
I woke up this morning and packed for the weekend, because I NEED time with the Pilot tonight. However, I think today is a good day to take a personal day.
I think my body was angry yesterday when it woke up after a horrible night's sleep, although I managed to sleep through the rare Illinois earthquake. The previous night had included bad for you dinner choices and 3 glasses of cheap red wine while dining at Ziadi with a friend. My body was fed up with mistreatment, after my birthday, the Super Bowl and the Ziadi trip I had consumed too many non-nutritious calories and way to much alcohol. Not to mention finding convenient reasons to not make it to the gym. Hence, the "gross" feeling.
I got to work and thought I would have an hour to re-group before my first client came in. I had big plans for that hour; eat lunch, journal and meditate. I wanted to get myself out of whatever mood it was that I was in, because I knew I would not be an effective therapist. Then an opportunity to an observe a client I was really wanting to interact with appeared and I could not turn it down. The session was great, but my countertransference was OUT OF CONTROL and afterward, I was faced with no time to process the whole thing before going into session with my own client who has been particularly difficult to work with recently. By the start of my third hour at work, I was sitting in my supervisor's office crying for reasons, I still could not find the words to explain.
My next client, also a difficult one canceled and I was finally allowed sometime to try to get my act together when 2 disturbing facebook status updates caught my attention, causing frantic text messages to GR and a google news search that yielded this result: 2 Priniciples Shot by Teacher in Knoxville!!! GR's mom works at that school. She is fine. But that's when the, "I'm living in the Twilight Zone" comments first slipped from my lips. It was a strange day.
My next 2 sessions were fine and I thought I was getting back into the swing of things, until my last client did not show up for session and my stomach started to hurt, prompting another skipped gym session. By the time I made it home, I was exhausted. I had to pack for the weekend at the Pilot's house, which just seemed to laborious at the time, I considered coming home after school today and then driving out to his place instead of heading straight there, just so I wouldn't have to pack anytime soon.
The Pilot was having a really good day and I felt horrible about having to tell him about mine. I would NOT have, if he hadn't asked directly, "How are you?" Even then I just explained it away as having a rough day and started crying because I still couldn't describe it.
I woke up this morning and packed for the weekend, because I NEED time with the Pilot tonight. However, I think today is a good day to take a personal day.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Heart Healthy
Friday February 5 was wear National Wear Red Day to support Heart Disease Awareness in Women. I sported red...did you?!
Sunday February 7 was the 2 year anniversary of my father undergoing open-heart surgery!!
For the past couple of years, February has been a rough month for me, despite starting with my birthday! This year and years to come will be different because February is American Heart month. I want to figure out a way to make Heart health a priority in my life, the lives of my loved ones and society at large. I guess I'll start by donating!!
American Heart Association
Cardiovascular Health Test from my local hospital
Over the last few years this issue has become incredibly important to me and it is something I am becoming increasing passionate about. I have some other ideas cooking, but what can you think of to help spread awareness?
Sunday February 7 was the 2 year anniversary of my father undergoing open-heart surgery!!
For the past couple of years, February has been a rough month for me, despite starting with my birthday! This year and years to come will be different because February is American Heart month. I want to figure out a way to make Heart health a priority in my life, the lives of my loved ones and society at large. I guess I'll start by donating!!
American Heart Association
Cardiovascular Health Test from my local hospital
Over the last few years this issue has become incredibly important to me and it is something I am becoming increasing passionate about. I have some other ideas cooking, but what can you think of to help spread awareness?
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