Cindy Fey, the most wonderful "employer" to ever grace this earth, opened the door this morning to greet me and amongst crying children still asked with genuine interest, "how are you?" Of course, the exciting news to have emerged in the last several days was my decision to embark on this journey. I told her all about the book, politely titled in front of her children, "skinny rhymes with witch." We had several brief discussions throughout the morning and early afternoon about the information I had learned from the book and how I was planning on going about all of this. I even told her about the blog.
One conversation took place at Dunkin Donuts, where Cindy, having done this before, began to order me a black coffee. I stopped her mid-sentence and told her it was among the first things that I had given up. I explained that the book suggested organic decaf green tea and that on my next shopping trip I would be on a treasure hunt to find it. Several hours later, I'm pouring myself and her lovely daughters into the car when low and behold there are 2 boxes of organic decaf green tea waiting for me on my seat. The Easter Bunny had made an early stop for me.
Before the discovery of the tea, but after the Dunkin Donuts trip, Cindy and I engaged in another conversation that started out by discussing the amazing progress my dad has been making (for anyone keeping tabs, he's lost 52 pounds!). This conversation transitioned quickly into my hope that the American Heart Association would become my charity of choice and that if I could get myself trained I would like to do a 5K run/walk. While cutting noodles into manageable pieces for her youngest daughter she looks over at me and nonchalantly says, "well if you do that we would absolutely love to sponsor you."
A study date last night yielded another opportunity for me to talk about my hope for my future. I told this friend (who has witnessed me at some of my most drunken moments) that I was abstaining from alcohol for one month. He was totally supportive and even said that he would do it with me!!
Support is coming from the most amazing places. The only challenger I foresee is the one residing in me. Everyone else seems to be on board.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The book, the bet, the beginning and the blog
One of my dad's co-workers gave him the book "Skinny Bitch" to read while recovering. I think it was more just for shits and giggles, because it is clearly geared toward women. Dad never read the book, mom only briefly started it and then it somehow landed in my lap. This past Thursday night I couldn't sleep (it had been a very emotionally taxing day), so I read the whole thing. It was an easy read and I couldn't put it down, everything they said was making perfect sense and it is written in such a way that makes me feel like it was my friends giving me no-nonsense reasons to get my ass in gear. The book promotes a vegan lifestyle and gives very compelling reasons why to live that way. I am going to very slowly progress that way; taking something away each week.
Ben, the ever supportive best friend that he is, said that obviously he will support me in whatever I want to do but that he bets $20 I won't be a vegan in one year. I took the bet. By St. Patrick's Day next year I will have to have been a vegan for 3 months in order for me to collect the prize. Making the bet just pushes me further into wanting to do this, I don't think he realizes that. However, it's not some HUGE amount of money that if for whatever reason I can't remain vegan I won't cry about having to pay it.
Things began immediately. Friday morning, I gave up coffee and pop. Going as far as throwing away the coffee canister and bottle of sprite that were still residing in my apartment. I did partake in beer consumption yesterday in honor of St. Patrick's Day, but as of this morning I'm vowing to abstain from alcohol for at least a month. I don't want to give it up forever, but for right now I'm looking forward to getting it all out of my body and cleansing myself of some serious toxins. I think my next step will be to stop consuming pork products. We'll see how the week unfolds.
I'm going to chronicle my changes and adventures on the blog. I'm hoping that something as public as this will hold me accountable so that I can finally get myself in gear and stay there. Below is what I looked like this morning and 169.5 pounds. I'm planning on weighing myself daily but I think that I'll only publish pictures once a week. My goal weight is 130 pounds but I'm going to ask you, my fellow bloggers, to help me with something. If I begin to look unhealthy before I get to that point let me know. I want to be skinny (and healthy) and 130 pounds still sounds heavy to me but the truth is it's a long way from where I am now and I don't actually know how it will look on me. So keep me motivated, remind me of my bet with Ben, give me pointers about exercise routines (done at home, I can't afford a gym membership), support me, and most importanly tell me if I've taken it one step to far.
Wish me luck! It's beginning now!
Ben, the ever supportive best friend that he is, said that obviously he will support me in whatever I want to do but that he bets $20 I won't be a vegan in one year. I took the bet. By St. Patrick's Day next year I will have to have been a vegan for 3 months in order for me to collect the prize. Making the bet just pushes me further into wanting to do this, I don't think he realizes that. However, it's not some HUGE amount of money that if for whatever reason I can't remain vegan I won't cry about having to pay it.
Things began immediately. Friday morning, I gave up coffee and pop. Going as far as throwing away the coffee canister and bottle of sprite that were still residing in my apartment. I did partake in beer consumption yesterday in honor of St. Patrick's Day, but as of this morning I'm vowing to abstain from alcohol for at least a month. I don't want to give it up forever, but for right now I'm looking forward to getting it all out of my body and cleansing myself of some serious toxins. I think my next step will be to stop consuming pork products. We'll see how the week unfolds.
I'm going to chronicle my changes and adventures on the blog. I'm hoping that something as public as this will hold me accountable so that I can finally get myself in gear and stay there. Below is what I looked like this morning and 169.5 pounds. I'm planning on weighing myself daily but I think that I'll only publish pictures once a week. My goal weight is 130 pounds but I'm going to ask you, my fellow bloggers, to help me with something. If I begin to look unhealthy before I get to that point let me know. I want to be skinny (and healthy) and 130 pounds still sounds heavy to me but the truth is it's a long way from where I am now and I don't actually know how it will look on me. So keep me motivated, remind me of my bet with Ben, give me pointers about exercise routines (done at home, I can't afford a gym membership), support me, and most importanly tell me if I've taken it one step to far.
Wish me luck! It's beginning now!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
The pursuit of balance
In the last year or so, my life's goal has been to find and maintain balance in my life. This has so much been my goal that I've thought of getting a ying-yang symbol tattooed on my body to remind me the importance of remaining balance.
The problem that has occured thusfar is that I"m finding one pot completely full and the other completely depleted. No balance!! I'll give the most recent example, a couple of weeks ago I was on cloud 9 about a certain boy. Things were going great he was doing everything right, we were seeing eachother often but school and practicum were a serious struggle for me. I wasn't comfortable at my practicum site and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing on a school assignment. The next week rolled around and I was feeling more confident at practicum and I got my assignment back with positive comments, but things with the boy were going downhill fast. When will both things be on the upside at the same time, so I can finally have balance in the various aspects of my life.
Here is another problem, Sunday is an example of how the good always comes with the bad. I will admit that it is a blessing that I have the ability to recognize both and not let one (the bad one) cloud the good. I was asked to be a teacher's assistant for my favorite teacher for my favorite class next year. This is the best news I ever could have asked for. But then about an hour later the above mentioned boy was supposed to meet me for lunch and ended up having to cancel. Did I mention that we haven't seen eachother in a month?
What's frustrating about not seeing the boy is the fact that he was working upstairs in the same building in which I was at class. He has this incredible new job that I have no way of competing with. It's hard for me to be understanding of the time constraints that work puts on him because him and I haven't even had the opportunity to talk about what work is like for him. I can't respect something I know nothing about!! And the other bothersome thing is that when he cancels he never offers an alternative. Actually it's not bothersome, I just realized it's his easy way of letting me go. He can cancel and not schedule something else in the hopes that I will stop trying to schedule things. And now that I'm writing this out and seeing my own thoughts in front of me. I'm not going to schedule anything else. Obviously he doesn't want to be with me and I've just got to accept that and move on.
I have balance right now...unfortunately it's in the negative. I'm feeling down about school because my finals are insane and I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm obviously feeling down about the boy.
I guess balance doesn't always mean that everything is going right.
The problem that has occured thusfar is that I"m finding one pot completely full and the other completely depleted. No balance!! I'll give the most recent example, a couple of weeks ago I was on cloud 9 about a certain boy. Things were going great he was doing everything right, we were seeing eachother often but school and practicum were a serious struggle for me. I wasn't comfortable at my practicum site and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing on a school assignment. The next week rolled around and I was feeling more confident at practicum and I got my assignment back with positive comments, but things with the boy were going downhill fast. When will both things be on the upside at the same time, so I can finally have balance in the various aspects of my life.
Here is another problem, Sunday is an example of how the good always comes with the bad. I will admit that it is a blessing that I have the ability to recognize both and not let one (the bad one) cloud the good. I was asked to be a teacher's assistant for my favorite teacher for my favorite class next year. This is the best news I ever could have asked for. But then about an hour later the above mentioned boy was supposed to meet me for lunch and ended up having to cancel. Did I mention that we haven't seen eachother in a month?
What's frustrating about not seeing the boy is the fact that he was working upstairs in the same building in which I was at class. He has this incredible new job that I have no way of competing with. It's hard for me to be understanding of the time constraints that work puts on him because him and I haven't even had the opportunity to talk about what work is like for him. I can't respect something I know nothing about!! And the other bothersome thing is that when he cancels he never offers an alternative. Actually it's not bothersome, I just realized it's his easy way of letting me go. He can cancel and not schedule something else in the hopes that I will stop trying to schedule things. And now that I'm writing this out and seeing my own thoughts in front of me. I'm not going to schedule anything else. Obviously he doesn't want to be with me and I've just got to accept that and move on.
I have balance right now...unfortunately it's in the negative. I'm feeling down about school because my finals are insane and I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm obviously feeling down about the boy.
I guess balance doesn't always mean that everything is going right.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
This is what results from an everyday conversation with Stanley
Well, several things have crossed my mind about my past interests.
1. I always fall to fast...I've gotta learn to control my emotions better- that is never their fault
2. I always hear what I want to hear- either pay attention to only the positive or only the negative; I can't integrate both
3. I honestly think my expectations are too high, relationships are work and I can't expect the guys to be doing all the work and me to be doing none. I've gotta leave my old fashioned mentality behind.
4. I've gotta prioritize all aspects of my life and STICK TO IT. Never let the boy become #1, which I do all to often.
1. I always fall to fast...I've gotta learn to control my emotions better- that is never their fault
2. I always hear what I want to hear- either pay attention to only the positive or only the negative; I can't integrate both
3. I honestly think my expectations are too high, relationships are work and I can't expect the guys to be doing all the work and me to be doing none. I've gotta leave my old fashioned mentality behind.
4. I've gotta prioritize all aspects of my life and STICK TO IT. Never let the boy become #1, which I do all to often.
Monday, November 26, 2007
They can't buy a break
My cousin, Stevie, used that quote on Saturday afternoon when talking about the horror show that was the Florida State Seminoles vs. Florida Gators game. For those of you who don't follow college football or more specifically my Noles, he was expressing this because we were losing, losing badly and could not seem to do anything to recover and at least muster some style points while being slaughtered.
But the quote struck me...it seems to apply perfectly to my current relationship situation. I've been single for (in my opinion) too long and then I finally met someone who I was attracted to, could carry an intelligent conversation with, enjoyed being around and missed when we were apart, and so on a so forth. It was fun and it was going well. Then he got a new job. A great new job that has time commitments way beyond what I can even comphrend. His job is more time consuming then my doctorate program, something I never thought was possible. So in short, in this case, the timing wasn't right. We hadn't been in a "relationship" long enough to withstand not seeing eachother or talking to each other so it essentially ended. He came into my life, then the job came into his and the timing of everything plucked him back out of my life.
When it comes to my life I can't buy a break.
But the quote struck me...it seems to apply perfectly to my current relationship situation. I've been single for (in my opinion) too long and then I finally met someone who I was attracted to, could carry an intelligent conversation with, enjoyed being around and missed when we were apart, and so on a so forth. It was fun and it was going well. Then he got a new job. A great new job that has time commitments way beyond what I can even comphrend. His job is more time consuming then my doctorate program, something I never thought was possible. So in short, in this case, the timing wasn't right. We hadn't been in a "relationship" long enough to withstand not seeing eachother or talking to each other so it essentially ended. He came into my life, then the job came into his and the timing of everything plucked him back out of my life.
When it comes to my life I can't buy a break.
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