Have you turned a corner?

I think I have.

After running the Turkey Trot I took a break. A 10 week break. I kept setting goals and putting them off in an "I'll start my new training plan on Monday" fashion. I had many excuses and no real reason for taking the break. It happened and now it is over.

With the prompting of a few friends/colleagues I signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle; under the assumption that spending the money to register for a race would be the push I needed to start training again. It was and it was not.

I trained for the first 3 weeks half-heartedly and without fire and drive in my eyes (that according to the Pilot). I would skip cross training workouts and not stretch properly before and after runs. There were many psychological and emotional reasons for this lax approach to training (another blog will clarify those).

On Monday of week 4, I reached a tear-filled psychological breaking point complete with a phone call to my Dad claiming "I'm never gonna be able to do it" and yet another conversation with the Pilot, in which he told me I could do it and I argued the point. Then the change occurred.

Thanks to the Pilot's amazing internet searching abilities, I signed up for the Self.com 2009 Challenge. It is a free way to calculate caloric intake with a food diary and burned calories on the workout log. It also provided me with a manageable strength routine.

Since that day, I have counted my calories, cooked (yes cooked!) edible low calorie foods (thanks to The Hungry Girl), had 9 successful runs reaching a new distance of 4.3 miles, I am doing my strength and cross training workouts, bought 2 new pairs of running shoes, signed up for 2 more 5k races (Wrigley and Illinois) and lost 6 pounds!

Maybe turning a corner will result in more blog posts.

Trotting for Turkey

It is kinda hard to see. There was a huge mass of people. But if you look closely enough you can see me and the Pilot crossing this finish line of my first 5K! The picture was taken by my father, who braved the cold (reminder- he a recovering heart surgery patient) and stood outside throughout the whole race to see me start and finish! There were other spectators there just for us. My cousin kept my dad company at the start/finish line. My mom and aunt strategically placed themselves at the half-way point and members of the Pilot's family also crowded the finish line to yell our names.

I did it. I ran the entire distance. I did not stop. I did not give up. I did not even really complain. But, once again, I had the Pilot by my side, supporting me and talking about everything under the sun to keep my mind off the pain shooting through my hamstrings. Then we crossed the finish line together at 36 minutes and 19 seconds. Although on the race results website they listed me as finishing 2 ahead of him!


This is me crying tears of joy at the finish line. I had no idea that was going to happen but the flood gates opened and I was so proud of myself. 3 months of training had finally culminated in the completion of this race and the tears streaming down my face.

I wore my race t-shirt all day. The Pilots family joined my family at my parent's home for formal introductions and breakfast. I made cranberry-orange relish and was able to proudly declare, "I contributed to Thanksgiving dinner." My abnormally loud family was silenced by the delicious food my mother had prepared. I joined the Pilot's family at his parent's home for pie, wine, Rummikub and good conversation. I read all the sale flyers and found the perfect present for the Pilot and then bounded out of bed at 6am Friday morning to go buy it.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, but, by far, this year's celebration takes the cake (or pie)!

Who I am

These lyrics have always struck a nerve with me. Maybe it wasn't the lyrics but the passion and conviction in which Jessica Andrews sings about knowing herself. It was definitely a quality I could admire and be jealous of. I didn't know, until recently, who I was.

For many years many of my interests and identity was dictated by the interests of my boyfriends (cars, music, etc...) and some of my mannerisms closely mirrored those of friends that I admired. In the past 9 months, that has all changed. I have finally matured into the person I always wanted to be and I can confidently say that I love myself and I know exactly who I am.

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm steady and unstable
I'm young but I am able

I am a runner. I am a Catholic, working every Sunday (and occasional weekdays) to restore my faith. I am a student. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am a woman (with a figure I am finally starting to appreciate). I am a girlfriend. I am a listener. I am a planner. I am one half of a happy, healthy and mature relationship. I am an individual. I am a roommate. I am a laugher. I am a blogger. I am confident. I am a reader. I am a writer. I am a dreamer. I am a cynic. I am a sister. I am a Chicagoan. I am a Seminole. I am a Floridian. I am a goal setter. I am a goal achiever. I am growing. I am a work in progress (steady and unstable/ young but able). I am happy.

I am Rosemary's granddaughter*
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My mommas still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I am Joanna- that's who I am.

*My grandmother's name was Mary. However, all the rest of the lyrics ring very true.

Obama, you da bomb!

I want to remember yesterday forever!



In 2004 I cast my vote for John Kerry in Florida. The state did not end up electing him and neither did the country. But last Thursday, I stood in line for 2.5 hours to vote early in Illinois for Barak Obama. This time the state and country agreed with me and made history happen right before my very eyes.

I held back tears of joy. I celebrated my victory with a cold bottle of Coors Lite. I enjoyed John McCain's concession speech; not only because it was not a victory speech but because he was gracious and supportive and a human, not a politician. I listened to President Elect Obama speak to my fellow Chicagoans in a park only blocks from where I attend school. I silently wished I was at Grant Park experiencing this history first hand. I cuddled with my republican boyfriend with respect, affection and admiration, not drawing any attention to our political differences; I had made my choice and he made his and no amount of arguing (although, we did our fair share prior) is going to change anything now. I watched FOX News. I watched MSNBC. I ate popcorn and watched a movie. I went to sleep with a smile on my face and woke up with a sense of calm and peace.

I am proud to be an American.

Fun in the Sun

I have just wrapped up what can only be described as one of the best summers of my life and here are the...

TOP 20 REASONS

20. Buying my bike
19. Making major life decisions (the details of which are to be disclosed in an upcoming blog)
18. Kane County Cougars game
17. Eating as many lunch and dinners outside as possible
16. The parks, pools. and bike paths in St. Charles
15. Pirates vs. Brewers game
14. Great America
13. Plain White T's concert and dinner at Taste of Chicago
12. Cubs game and wild times at the local park ;-)
11. Lincoln Park Zoo/Conservatory
10. Bottles of champagne at Marche and wide-eyed wonderment at Kooza
9. Dinner at Wildfire wearing my favorite "little black dress" and the "Cupid Has A Heart On" show
8. Maroon 5, Sara Bareilles and Counting Crows concert
7. Watching the Pilot run the 10k Nike Human Race and the Fall Out Boy concert
6. Discovering that I can run and setting my first 5k goal
5. Sara and Jerry's wedding
4. Jimmy Buffett concert
3. The Signature Lounge
2. Jersey Boys, nachos at Rock Bottom and dinner at India House
1. Meeting the Pilot


The Pilot's Top 3? The Cubs game, Kooza and Jersey Boys.

It is time to see what activities the fall has to offer.

Run Joanna Run

Most of you are aware of my single-minded sports obsession. Anyone, (me) who starts watching NASCAR races because they need something to fill their Sundays with after football season is over and stops watching them once baseball seasons begins, clearly has a "sports problem." However my need for mental stimulation via my visual intake of the sports programming has not translated into any physical capabilities (or desires really).

UNTIL NOW!
Because of the healthy competition, because I so admire The Pilot's dedication to and motivation for his marathon training, and because my father ended up in the hospital this week I decided to fully dedicate myself to a running plan The Pilot has shown me.

The running workout is structured as follows:
5 minutes warm-up
1 minute run fast pace
2 minutes run medium pace
1 minute run fast pace
2 minutes run medium pace
1 minute run fast pace
2 minutes run medium pace
5 minutes cool down

The first couple attempts at this "running thing" looked more like my miles did back in high school; a little bit of running and A LOT of walking. My medium runs were much more like power walking (or just walking. No running) and my 1 minute fast runs were probably a speed thought to be more appropriate for the medium runs. On Tuesday that all changed. After getting yet another, "your dad is in the hospital" phone call from my mother I found the motivation I really needed to get the ball rolling (haha- sports analogy).

During Tuesday's run I realized that I could actually run all 9 required running minutes! No medium pace equaling power walking. There were faster paces and slower paces but all 540 seconds were at running paces. Then today I decided to pay attention to the distance that I ran during those 9 minutes and it turns out I was able to actually run 3/4 of a mile! In high school, I couldn't even complete a 1/4 mile. It may seem small and insignificant to some of you but it's an amazing victory for me! And I want to go back and do it again!

I'm so excited about possibly establishing a running routine that I made playlists on my ipod! Each day that I am scheduled to run (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday or Sunday) has it's own 19 minute playlist complete with warm-up and cool down songs. The songs played during my 9 minutes of running are upbeat songs sung by artists whose bodies I envy (Fergie, Madonna). A special note of thanks to GR for giving me that idea. But some of the songs also have a motivational quality to them. For example, today during my last 3 minute set I never thought I was gonna make it but then "Gotta Get Thru This" by Daniel Bedingfield came on. How appropriate! I got through it and now I'm here to brag!

My other appropriate reactions to my father's hospitalization was to choose to stop tanning indoors (I canceled my membership!), wear more SPF when I'm tanning outdoors and go see a Dermatologist at my earliest convenience.

I do want kids. And I want to be healthy for them. So that they won't have the constant fear of losing me that I am currently encased in regarding my dad.

Thanks for all your help AJR. Loke you.

grudge match

When I am wronged one of two things happens; I hold a grudge (forever) or I let it roll off my back. Recently, I've come to realized that the established pattern is, I hold grudges against women and look the other way when I am wronged by men.

My grudge-holding capabilities came up recently in a conversation with The Pilot because I'm finding myself still slightly angry at a friend for an occurrence over a month ago. The conversation started out calmly while I explained to him that I have been known to do this before; remain irrationally angry at someone for a long time. I gave my favorite grudge holding example. Soon he could literally see my blood pressure rising and my blood boiling over. He abruptly stopped the convo. I'm assuming he got my point.

My favorite grudge holding example:
Sophomore year of college I was in the ideal living situation. I was finally in an apartment where I got to choose my roommates (something that had not occurred the previous year). I was living with a close friend from "high school," GR, and a "co-worker." We were all getting along. We had decorated the common room and even spent time in it (together)!

Then winter break came. "Co-worker," GR and I returned from our various permanent residences to no "high school."

*Warning* What happens next may not be exactly accurate but it is how my angry little brain remembers it.

There is a knock at the door. Maybe it's "high school" with no keys? Nope. It's mutual friends from the apartment complex coming to commiserate because "high school" is moving out. This was of course the first I (or GR or "Co-worker") had heard of such a thing! The long and short of it is, "high school" never bothered to actually tell us she was leaving, I guess she felt that us hearing it from mutual friends was sufficient enough. I, however, do not believe it was sufficient and told her so in a very carefully worded and maybe slightly verbally abusive e-mail. She came to move her stuff out in the middle of the night (give or take 8 hours) and uttered 3 words to me (I was the only one not working) as she was walking out the door. I have not talked to her (nor do I ever plan to talk to her again) since! The end.

The night of the grudge conversation I had a string of various weirdly related dreams. The first dream included the embodiment of the first girl I ever held a grudge against; someone who I called a friend but was the "other women" during a Monkey cheating escapade (Sidebar; notice how I held a grudge (and continue to do so) against this girl but dated Monkey for another 6 months or so). The second dream included The Pilot's Ex; who I hold no grudge against and neither does he (by the way my characterization of her looked exactly like America Ferrera). In this dream The Pilot refused to let the Ex know about us and cast me aside during more than one scene in the dream.

Insecurities. That's what these two dreams have in common. I feel (felt) insecure about Monkey and The Pilot's relationships with these women and with me. So I've begun to wonder do grudges stem from insecurities? Or do insecurities stem from the anger fueling grudges?