Happy and having fun

• I bought hot silver pumps to go with my "smokey teal" wear-to-weddings dress and now I'm completely obsessed with them.
• The previously mentioned dressed blessed me with many compliments and two broken straps which were fixed in MacGyver fashion with paperclips.
• The healthy competition between The Pilot and I has turned into more of a support group than a competition. Complete with him finding me a bookmark folder full of 9 diet and exercise websites and a 10 mile bike ride and picnic last weekend.
• I've started running sprints!
• Big Brother is back.
• Kooza and Marche on Friday.
• Sports with smarts and wit.
• "It's better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else."
• Holland, Michigan or Sandusky, Ohio?
• Jimmy Buffett concert.
• Working diligently on a "friends with exes" blog.
  

healthy competition

The Pilot runs marathons. I write marathon e-mails. The Pilot rides his bike almost daily. I ride the brown line almost daily. The Pilot is a black belt in Taekwondo. I own a black belt. The Pilot wants to lose 6 pounds for vanity purposes. I need to lose 6 (or more) pounds to be healthy.

So naturally we made this a competition. Whoever loses 6 pounds first wins. Although it has not quite been decided what we will win, the competition started today. Fittingly the start of this competition falls on the 4 month anniversary of me giving up coffee and pop. For me, losing 6 pounds seems like the next logical step.

Ready. Set. Go!

In-between

The english language is not beautiful sounding, eloquently delivered or full of enough vocabulary words to express emotions. The lack of emotional descriptors in my native tongue coupled with my "all or nothing" or "black or white" thinking is making my current gray relationship zone particularly uncomfortable.

In high school (and college) I remember saying "I love you" (to not just 1 but 3 boyfriends!) after only a month. Looking back on it I know I did not love them at that moment. And sometimes I wonder if I ever loved them at all. I've decided that I loved them as best anyone can at 14, 16 and 19. However, I digress, the point is I said it way to early and now I know why; there are no words to say during those wildly perfect silent moments that occur while gazing into each other's eyes (I swear it does happen, just like in the movies) early on in the relationship.

Now, I am 24 and have been dating The Pilot for 2 months and haven't uttered those 3 words; actually I haven't even thought them. What I have thought is that I "more than like" him. And my immediate next thought is, how do I verbalize that? When you "more than like" someone but less than love them how do you say that?

"I really like you" sounds cheesy or juvenile. So I've been saying "you make me happy." I have also tossed out an "I enjoy our time together" a couple of times. Instead of saying something, should I just relish those silent moments for what they are; a representation of the lack of words available to articulate my current thoughts and feelings?

But shouldn't there be a word? Just one word to place on the continuum between like and love?

tick tock

What is that sound? It vibrates in my abdomen and tugs at my heart strings. Wait- it can't be my biological clock, can it?!

My life goals when it comes to children have varied from "I want 4" to "I'm not suited to be a mother." Currently I've landed somewhere in middle and say, "it's a decision about my future I haven't made yet." However, dating someone older who has blatantly stated, "I want children with every fiber of being" is not only a very attractive quality but it also brings the topic to the forefront of my brain.

I am obsessed with the NBC show "The Baby Borrowers." I was appalled at the idea originally but now I can't avert my eyes. Do I want to be a "young" (I still struggle with believing I'm a full blown adult at times) mom?

Recently I find myself pointing out all the cute babies in their awesome summer outfits to the Pilot as we walk past them on the way to dinner. I say "aww," smile wide, wave and laugh as the babies giggle and explore the world. I can feel my heart grow.

I babysit 3 days a week and the differences I see from week to week are constantly amazing me. Not only are the kids changing, but I am too. I find myself more patient, more creative, more concerned for safety and more able to communicate effectively (on the children's level) with each passing week.

I learned about this website today- totlol- and I think that I find it more entertaining than youtube.

As it stands right now, I still have no idea what my future holds. I suspect the decision will unfold naturally if I find the person I want to share my life and procreate with.

I have made one serious decision in this department though; no children will be born into my family until I finish school ;-)

The second city is first in my heart

I am officially a resident of the city of Chicago and the state of Illinois.

After living here for (only) a year and half I was forced, by my auto insurance company, to get an Illinois drivers license. I studied. Passed the test. Took a horrible picture (complete with unruly hair and shinny skin!). Now I carry around an insanely ugly (compared to my gloriously beautiful Florida drivers license) ID that shows my Chicago northside address.

I am also now a registered voter in the city of Chicago. Which is very important given the looming election (just a reminder Obama '08!). As history says, Chicago residences vote early and often ;-) How fun to be part of such a politically savvy city!

I bought a bike!! Chicago is a very bike friendly city. It's all part of my attempt to incorporate exercise into my life, without realizing it. Plus gas prices are insane and I am only living on a graduate student's budget.

Today I joined the park district. I can exercise at the fitness center 2 blocks from my house for the next 3 months for only 45 dollars! I can also show up at yoga, kickboxing or step aerobics anytime and pay only 2 dollars!!

I am about to re-sign my lease; keeping me here for at least another year. I love this city!

my least favorite holiday*

July 4, 2006; the description of perhaps my worst 4th of July to date. It also includes slight hints at the horrible 4th of Julys of the much distant past. The pattern is always the same. The holiday proves disappointing and therefore unlikeable (by me) because it is NEVER spent with the person I most want to spend that time with. No fireworks with Dnab, Monkey, GarBear or WDS.

This year the story takes a turn. I get to watch the fireworks with The Pilot. But I am the middle of PMS hell that is causing destruction all over my life and saving no prisoners. One prisoner is the hostess of the party I plan to attend. We are civil and no one else present at the party will know of any underlying tension. But I know it exists. And I know my feelings are hurt. But I also know I will get over it.

My main reason for hating the 4th of July is because the day/evening never turns out the way you want it to or the way you planned for it too.

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. I am still pursuing happiness and I believe despite the tension (I'm working to diffuse the situation) celebrating the 4th of July with The Pilot will bring me one (albeit small) step closer.

*Stay tuned, there will be a similar blog posted on December 31